In one of the darkest nights, sitting on the top of
snow capped mountain, his mind was like a volcano being erupted. The thoughts
were the lava spilling out of the volcano which was going to destroy the whole
body. His snow boots crunching the snow were the perfect noise in vacuum. His woolen red muffler swayed with the wind. The dim light of fire been set up, lit the
whole world around him. Even in the darkness of night, he was able to see what
he wanted to look for. Everything he was thinking of was being played in front
of his eyes; the series of episodes or like the scenes in a movie. With each
dancing ash of fire, his mind drifted and twisted in its thoughts.
His whole life was being played in front of him. All
those sins, the mistakes, failures, regrets, hatred and what not. In those few hours, he felt like he is the
worst person who has ever existed. He was a lion with a broken leg. The past was
over but the wounds were still bleeding. He felt every emotion for himself;
hatred, disgust, jealousy, aggression, regret, stress rather everything but
one.
The dark was giving him signs of no hope. “Why did I
make mistakes when I knew I wasn't supposed to do so? “
Depression was taking over his nerves. The feel that
he had lost everything moved him to the ocean of sadness and regrets.
“I want to quit. It’s all coming to an end.” He
wanted to make death a choice, but in this world it’s an option.
“Why does everyone else get whatever they want and
I’m here on this place like I’m least wanted, I could never get what I want?”
“Huh. Who am I?”
“A man made of clay, nothing more than that.”
“But, then why are those memories killing me? What’s
the purpose of my life? Why failure is only destined for me? There is no
solution to my problems. “
But they say it right, the hour before the dawn is
always the darkest.
Few moments of silence after those entire Why’s’ and
now it was his mind searching for a light in the sea of darkness.
Because he knew that even you fall on your knees and your feet hurt, there
exists hope that you can get up.
The sun was about to rise in the sky and inside
himself. Because after all those injuries and inner scars, still some part of
him was happy with everything he had done. He made an effort to recover.
“Keep your eyes peeled”, he heard his heart whisper.
The dark was going away. He gazed at the
sky and then watched the white clouds replacing the grey ones. A sigh of
hope. He started asking himself again
and this time he was getting answer to his every question.
“Why did I do this?”
“Because life had to teach you a lesson. God tested
you. He wanted you to be better than others.”
“But God can teach a lesson without taking
everything away..”
“He gives the hardest battles to his bravest
soldiers. And wounds are the grace of bravest soldiers.”
The rays of sunshine had started to pass through the
white clouds. It was over. The storm had passed. In that one moment, he
immensely loved himself. He heard a
laugh in ocean of sadness. The new beginning was waiting for him. The one
emotion he hadn't felt for himself before, Love, the deep profound love leaving
all the mistakes and emotions behind.
Sun was rising and so was his life.
Things could get better. He needed and belief and it
was given to him.
PINK was being played in his playlist and the voice
echoed in the silence.
“Just
when you think
Hope is lost,
And giving up
Is all you got,
And blue turns black,
Your confidence is cracked,
There seems no turning back from here”
Hope wasn't lost yet. Love was still there to come.
“Sometimes
there isn't an obvious explanation
Why the holiest hearts can feel the strongest palpitations
That's
when you can build a bridge of light,
That's what turns the wrong so right
That's when you can't give up the fight
That's when love turns night time into day,
That's when loneliness goes away,
That's why you gotta be strong tonight,
Only love can build us a bridge of light.”
